The Replacements

The freedom of simply walking...
Photography by Robynne Alexander

It has been precisely three weeks since my long awaited and avoided hip replacement surgery. While lying around like a ragbag I thought that perhaps I should use all this time I have on my hands to write. 

The importance of writing this article is the attempt at trying to see what it is that I have learnt, and the learnings still to come from this crazy experience. 

I know it may seem miniscule to someone who has not experienced something like this, however it has been a massive event in my life. The feelings inside are quite contrasting, one being that of a dependent child and the other that of very aged woman, fragile and deteriorating physically. 

One thing is for sure, my days of running and jumping around like a hooligan are over. The forced ladylike behaviour will have to stick and I will have to train my brain around this… 

“It’s gonna take time 

a whole lot of precious time

it’s gonna take plenty of time, 

to do it, to do it, to do it 

to do it right child” ;)

There is a constant wrestling match taking place between my heart, soul, mind and body since I found out that this was my “destiny”. Bouts of anger, chronic pain irritation, depression and self pity found it’s way into my soul on many occasions. 

There was a space that I struggled to fill. This inconvenience would change my life and mindset completely, and to be honest I did not want change. I wanted to keep doing everything that I was doing. Slowly but surely I figured out that my focus will have to be moved from doing the many things I always loved doing, things that had become an integral part of my life and which had played a part in who I thought I was, to replacing these with new things that I will love doing, which could possibly assist me in transforming the old joys into simple, great memories, instead of them being something I constantly yearn for.

Therefore, replacements have temporarily become the theme of my life.

Right now all I can think about is cycling, swimming, hiking, travelling, adventures, running, dancing, jumping, drinking bottles and bottles of wine and last but not least, FREEDOM - these being everything that is not in my grasp at the moment! I am searching for freedom for my hands, body movements and space. I need to feel alive again. It is absolutely amazing how quickly one’s energy dissipates under these conditions. A simple trip to the supermarket, which has been quite the adventure for me, is exhausting. 

But there is light… 

In the same breath I cannot help but feel excited for the weeks of discovery ahead. The explorer in me sees new explorations. I know that in a few months and years from now the stress of this will be a thing of the past, so I have to keep looking ahead.  

The experience of climbing on a bike again and cycling to my heart’s content gets my heart racing. Immersing my body into the water and swimming a continuous lap after lap after lap stirs my soul. A heavenly early morning walk is number one on my current bucket list and makes me restless. The heart racing stirring of this restless soul creates an illumination of life in my mind, and the new unknown discoveries that lie ahead keep me motivated. I look forward to (as Mark Twain put it) throwing off the bowlines, sailing away from the safe harbor and catching the winds in my sail. I will continue to explore, dream and discover, no matter what it takes!

This has been a great reminder of the importance of what it is to have a loving family by your side. Words cannot begin to describe the love and appreciation I have for my family, my rock and without whom I would be completely lost. I am constantly aware of this fact, even if I don’t see it right away through my cranky crankiness, and knowing through the sweetest, most loving gestures, that I am always loved through good times and bad. 

With all of the aforementioned, all I have to say is, bring on the replacements!